This is neither a watch post or a car post. This is a grieving post. A lot of people might not relate to it, and that is ok. Having a pet, lately, felt like a privilege. And what transpired in my time with my dog, made that clearer and clearer. I heard in a podcast that pets are great companions, and it is true. Unfortunately, the saying “you don’t know what you have until you lose it” is also correct. Who was there, everyday, excited when me or anyone from my family arrived home? Who would always be down to go for a walk? Who would always be down to snuggle? This is part of my story with my dog, Lola.
At the end of, maybe 2022 or beginning of 2023 Lola developed a lump on her front right leg. She was examined by her regular veterinarian, but later referred to a specialist for further investigation and diagnose. In the middle of 2023 Lola was diagnosed with cancer. We looked for solutions, since the price for surgery through a specialist was so expensive. This was without pet insurance but finance is a topic for another day. The treatment options were chemotherapy or amputation. The chemotherapy was not guaranteed. So the most logical and safer option was amputation.
Now that the treatment had been chosen, we had to look at the how this would be performed. Again, the price for the specialist treating her was the same, regardless of treatment chosen, north of the tens of thousands. It was time to look at different places and doctors. I looked into sending her with my best friend in the Netherlands, who is married to a veterinarian. My friend’s wife also referred me to a veterinarian who could have performed the surgery in Canada. Finally and fortunately, our old veterinarian was able to perform the surgery.
Finally the day of the procedure came. That day I almost left her in a rush, the assistant that took her was pulling her towards the inside of the clinic while I walked out. Trying to make the separation as painless as possible. My main concern at that point was thinking about the traffic coming back to pick her up and helping her live with only three legs. Little did I know those were my last minutes with her. A call back from the clinic was expected at around 3PM to arrange the pick up. When my phone rang at 12:57PM and I saw the caller, I understood something was not right.
Since the cancer was diagnosed, I was angry. I would have bursts of internal anger when I’d see her. Not upset at her but the cancer that was eating her alive. The thought of losing her was always present. I thought I was getting ready for the time she was not with me anymore. Unfortunately, you think you are doing something to get ready for the day. But in reality, it does not help much. To a certain extent, I think that I might have been a little more distant from her. The cancer situation was scary. It paralyzed me in many ways. A lot of times, instead of facing my fears head on, I postpone them. Some of this postponing is what happened here.
Lola had been with me for around 14 years (?). I had known her longer than what I had known my wife. Lola taught me many things. Responsibility. taking a dog out every morning at least to pee. Being dependable. Had to keep that food bowl full at least twice a day, everyday. Patience. Teaching a dog manners can be an interesting endeavor. Not jumping on the couch, not jumping on people, not pulling while walking on a leash. It is definitely NOT the same as being a parent but it has some shared traits.
Losing someone or something that you love is hard. Grieving sucks but it has to be done. I am having a hard time moving or getting rid of her things. The bed is on the same spot. Her kennel, the same. I gave what was left of her food away. And moved her bowls and food container. The first few days were bad, spirits were low and just looking at the places where she won’t be anymore sucked really bad. I mean, it is not like losing a person, but it is definitely heartbreaking and sad. She is not getting beat up by that disgusting cancer and that is the only thing that relieves me. I will always love you and will always miss you.
Thanks for stopping by,
DL
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I’m right here with you primo. It was hard reading this but wanted to read your story, and how you’re doing. Time heals all wounds but things wont ever be the same without such a special part of your life but you’ll begin to look back at her life and smile.